This post is based on a podcast about love and relationships.
Annyx Day is the founder and CEO of Living Life Above, Moving Yourself Forward, a RTT® Practitioner/Certified Hypnotherapist, and a RTC® Success Coach. She helps and guides her clients excel in their personal and professional lives.
Executive Contributor Annyx Day, B.A., M.A.
Do you keep falling for the same type of person? The one who starts out charming but ends up dishonest, unavailable, or emotionally unsafe? You know the red flags. You see them coming. Yet somehow, you end up in the same painful dynamic.
This is not bad luck. It is your subconscious mind leading you toward what is familiar—even when that familiarity hurts. The good news is that you can break the cycle. Here is how.
Free Yourself from Your Past (Without Forgetting It)
I had someone call me once and ask, “Can you help me forget about my ex?” My answer was no. That is not what I do.
Forgetting is not healing. Indifference is. The opposite of love is not hate—it is indifference. If you are still angry, you are still attached. You will carry that anger into your next relationship, and you don’t want that.
RTT® does not erase your past. It reveals and helps you understand the link between what happened to you and why you keep attracting the wrong person. When you understand that link, you stop making the same mistakes. You free yourself from the pattern so you can create a better future.
What You Think You Want May Not Be What You Need
Here is a perspective shift that changes everything: what you think you want may not be what you actually need.
If you keep chasing the same physical type or the same superficial checklist, you are limiting your scope. You are missing everyone in your peripheral vision—including the person who could actually give you the respect, honesty, and stability you crave.
Try this exercise. Write down five traits that you absolutely want in a partner. But make them values, not superficial details. Respect. Integrity. Fidelity. Honesty. Communication. I did this before I met my husband. I folded the paper, kept it somewhere special, and let the universe do its magic. Every single trait I wrote down, he has.
There is nothing to lose. Try it.
Define Your Deal-Breakers and Communicate Them
Before you enter a relationship—or even if you are already in one—know what your absolute deal-breakers are. Infidelity, abuse, violence, dishonesty, addiction, laziness, irresponsibility. These are not negotiable.
If you are in a new relationship, communicate these boundaries when the timing is right. If your partner shies away from the conversation, that is a red flag. I asked my husband within the first six months of dating, “Have you ever been violent toward a woman?” I needed to know. You deserve to know, too.
And while we are on communication: eliminate the phrase “we need to talk.” It spikes anxiety and puts both people on the defensive. Just start the conversation. Come into it with an open mind, not a loaded warning.
Your Partner Is Not Responsible for Your Self-Esteem
Do not depend on your partner to make you feel good about yourself. That is your job.
If you enter a relationship looking for validation, you will never feel secure. You will hand over your power and wait for someone else to fill a void that only you can fill. RTT® helps you find that confidence deep within yourself. It rebuilds your self-worth so you exude it naturally—and when you do, the right person will be drawn to you.
Never lose your individuality. You are still you, even when you are in love.
A Note on Control (and When to Hold Your Ground)
I hear this often: “I like things a certain way. I need a clean house. People call me controlling.”
Here is my perspective. If you are a single parent or a high-achieving professional, control is often a survival mechanism. You have to manage everything because no one else will. That is not a flaw—it is a skill.
RTT® can help you explore why you feel the need to control everything and relieve the pressure you put on yourself. But do not compromise on your core values just to please someone else. Find a partner who aligns with your standards—not someone who makes you feel “too much.”
If you are tired of repeating the same painful patterns, if you are ready to attract the love you actually deserve, I would be honored to guide you.
Let me help you move yourself forward.
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📧 annyx@livinglifeabove.com
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